Disturbing grace

Perhaps another and more troubling way in which God's grace is not comfortable is that it will not allow me to settle for being as good as I am. We sometimes think that because God is gracious - because he does not ultimately treat me as my sins deserve - I can just be content with who I am. In actual fact, I think that God's grace creates radical discontent with who I am. Let's explore.

Imagine that my relationship with God were governed by law - whether that is morality or religion or whatever. Any system that works by laying down a standard and then calling me to keep it. We could illustrate that system as being like a ladder: each individual command or ritual or good deed is a rung on the ladder, and at the top is righteousness and peace with God. So, there I am climbing.

And I sin. I fail in some way. What do I do? Well, I could despair. Yes, certainly I could do that. But I might do something else instead. I might say "well, I guess I'm not there yet. But at least I'm trying, and I'll do better next time". Now, that might call forth a mighty effort from me to do better - I might really try to scramble on to the next rung of the ladder. But I haven't been challenged to my core. I am essentially content with who I am. Not having completed the project of righteousness is okay; I have the rest of my life to do better. The system of law allows me to think that I can improve myself, and therefore allows me to think that perhaps this failure is just a product of the stage of self-improvement that I am currently at. I will grow out of it.

Grace challenges me much more radically when I sin. Because grace doesn't give me a ladder to climb. Rather, it tells me that what I have just done is impossible.

It is impossible for you to sin if you are a Christian. You died to sin - how can you live in it any longer? You have been raised with Christ - how can you wallow in the grave of sin? You have been redeemed - how can you still be a slave? You are seated with Christ in the heavenly places - how can you be dirtying yourself with the earth? Not possible.

And yet, here I am. I sinned. And I cannot say "well, I will get better. This is just my adolescence as a Christian. In future, this won't happen, because from now on it is onward and upward". I am already up as high as can be: perfected in Christ. Therefore, that sin cannot be me - not the me as God sees me, not the me as I am called to see myself in faith. Am I so radically divided against myself? Can I, in that case, hope to stand?

How God's grace disturbs me, even as it comforts me!